I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize