He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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