Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
