I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
