you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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