It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
