Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize