dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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