You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
