You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
