last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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