Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
