I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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