can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
