There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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