i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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