How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize