My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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