you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
