She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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