So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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