i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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