I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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