Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He shit in the fireplace
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
