This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
