I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Come on in and take your pants off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
