DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
