Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
