For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
