How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
