we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They are going to name an STD after you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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