Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The feeling are messing with the penis
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
