my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had sex on a roof
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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