i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
