what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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