...so i touched it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
