she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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