Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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