I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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