I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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