Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i think my cat just said my name.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
