Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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