I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
