we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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