I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
