Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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