I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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