how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
