there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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