you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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