the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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