There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I have vodka in my lungs
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
