I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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