It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
