Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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