it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
