dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
