Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
