mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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