I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
