Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
