Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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