Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
