Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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