Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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