I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
