just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
