My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
