oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
