pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
