I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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