somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
