i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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