I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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