Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
