the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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