Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize