the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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