My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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