I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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