Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
