im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
being pregnant is like rehab
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Two words: blizzard sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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