If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize