Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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