i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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