I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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