Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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