you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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