No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
