So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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