Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
