1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
