"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need moral support for this bender
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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