I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
