Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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