Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
