You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
